This morning at the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration (in Philadelphia) I did a talk titled “Honoring the father as well as the mother.” This talk was part of a special service on Earth Day.
You can view the YouTube video below. If you prefer, you can read the piece below the video.
In the past month, my 98-year old father has been hospitalized three times. Since I am an only child and a dutiful daughter, this has thrust me into a new chapter of my life – which feels at times disembodied and surreal and other times purposeful and grounded.
The night before one of his medical appointments, I slept in Levittown – the place where I grew up and is so much a source of strength to me as well as a considerable source of angst. I attribute my strong work ethic to my working class background. This is also the backdrop of two of my novels and partly of my memoir, Tea Leaves, about taking care of my mother when she was terminally ill.
In this conventional landscape, I found myself praying to a conventional God about my father. Now, I was raised secular. In the past four years of being a Unitarian Universalist, I have learned about traditional religions and at the same time deepened my spirituality through such alternative paths as Buddhism and yoga. I have always prided myself on being alternative.
To say that I have long had issues with patriarchy is putting it lightly.
One of my earliest memories is when my father and I walked to the neighborhood pharmacy – which is still there but now sells convalescence and medical supplies for the home instead of the chewy Mary Jane candies of my childhood – and for some reason I stayed outside. When he came back out of the store, I was putting the imprint of my finger in the pliant grout around the store’s window. “What are you doing?” he asked me. I truthfully replied that the group of boys who had just been there told me to do this. “Never do what a group of boys tells you,” he said gruffly. I must have taken his words to heart, because this is how I have lived my life.
And so in this conventional landscape, I found myself praying to God the father to help my father. When I told my partner who I was praying to, she gave me a quizzical look – that comes rarely in the lives of the long married — that said, who are you?
A week later in the emergency room with my father again, I found myself again praying. There is much suffering in the emergency room. I could feel the pain around me – the squalling babies, the broken people wheeled in on stretchers, a gaunt and neglected old man leaning back, his mouth wide open.
I was sitting there breathing in and out. I was practicing Tonglen – the Buddhist practice of breathing in the suffering around you and breathing out peace. But there was so much suffering around me – including my father lying back on his bed with a breathing tube in his nose.
Then the young dashing doctor came in. He kept shrugging and mentioning that my father was 98 – and that he could go home if he wanted to. I could see him giving me a sideways glance. I felt summed up as a big lesbian who his charms were lost on. More than that, I found his ageism appalling. My father was in the emergency room because he had a hard time breathing. (He is living with congestive heart failure.)
Fortunately, the nurse — who I liked — suggested that my father be admitted to the hospital. As I write this reflection, he is still in the there. I am sitting with him – making sure that he gets the proper care.
My partner and I live our lives simply and fully as if every day is Earth Day.
Barbara is a drummer and we have attended many gatherings where it is chanted:
The earth is our Mother, we will take care of her.
This is true – the earth is our Mother – and I did take care of my mother.
But the earth that I sprang from is also my father – and I will take care of him.
This morning at the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration (in Philadelphia) I did a talk titled “Meeting Hate With Compassion.” This talk was part of a larger service.
You can view the YouTube video below. If you prefer, you can read the piece below the video.
A few years after my partner and I bought our house, now decades ago, an angry young white man who lived across the street threw rocks at our second story bedroom window. I should say that this man was young but he was an adult.
I had seen this young man looking at me with hatred in his eyes and I knew it was him. We also had been verbally harassed since we had moved into the neighborhood – by him and by others.
Initially, I wanted to throw rocks back at his windows. But I couldn’t do that — since he lived with his grandparents. So I called the police. I reported this as a hate crime — which was the logical thing to do, except that in Philadelphia, at that time, lesbians and gay men were not protected under the hate crimes bill. I was upset – understandably so – and went through the range of emotions at being targeted, including rage and grief. The dispatcher and the officer were open-minded and supportive. The officer encouraged us not to engage with the rock thrower (he said that this usually made things worse).
I’m a practicing Buddhist now, but I wasn’t then. I never thought about it consciously but that experience must have been a major influence. As a wise friend once said, we are all victims of victims. And if we are different, we run the risk of being victimized more. But the point is that we all are different – and we should value those differences in ourselves and each other. Differences are what make a community interesting. Take this one here at Restoration, for example. Also, it’s oppressive to try to be like everyone else – especially if you’re pretending.
Years ago, when the rocks were thrown, I practiced compassion by looking out our bedroom window and noticing that the angry young man had the same look of hatred on his face when he looked at his mother’s husband — a man who was probably not his father. His mother was severely disabled, is now in a nursing home, and her husband left.
Shortly after the 2016 presidential election, my partner Barbara and I went to a gathering where one of the people, a former minister, said that we must have compassion for those who hate because “they are so broken that the only way that they can feel good about themselves is to hate others.”
I knew with sadness that what she said was true. Perhaps I was a natural Buddhist years ago in that I took non-violent action. The police officer (and a neighbor) told us the young man’s full name. When I saw him on the street, I greeted him by name. I told a neighbor who is related to the angry young man that “We were not going to take it, and already called the police.” I also told his grandfather, who he lived with, the same thing. The angry young man’s relatives agreed with me that I should alert the police.
After that, I kept saying hello to him by name whenever I saw him on the street, forcing him to acknowledge me.
The harassment stopped.
Over the years I have become a kind of a patchwork Buddhist. I chant every day, but am not formally affiliated with any group. I learned Nam Myoho Renge Kyo — by watching Tina Turner on YouTube and going to a few Buddhist parties. The mantra is an expression of determination to embrace our Buddha nature and to help others achieve happiness. For me, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo is an ancient vibration that puts me in alignment with the cosmic energy of the universe.
Anger and hatred are at odds with the Buddhist philosophy. One quote, attributed to Buddha says that:
“Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world; it is appeased by love. This is an eternal Law. If one speaks or acts, with a pure mind, happiness follows one as one’s shadow that does not leave one.”
It bears repeating:
“Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world; it is appeased by love. This is an eternal Law. If one speaks or acts, with a pure mind, happiness follows one as one’s shadow that does not leave one.”
In this post, I wanted to give you a preview of my novel THEY, a biblical tale of secret genders. Three sections have been presented at the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration (in Philadelphia). The YouTube videos are below. Short fiction excerpts of the novel have been published in several journals. And one journal nominated a section for the Pushcart Prize. The links to the journals are below the YouTube videos.
THEY is a novel based on the Bible (with some creative interpretations) and has gender fluid, intersex characters. It also includes some strong female and gentle men characters who act on their passions and, in some instances, live as LGBT people. But the novel (which also includes some carry overs from goddess culture) begins somewhere in the time period of 800 to 600 bce (before the common era) and that was definitely before labels!
The three YouTube videos below are excerpts from THEY are in consecutive order from past to present.
You can also read an excerpt, written as standalone short fiction, in the online literary journal BlazeVOX15
Another excerpt is in the recent issue of Sinister Wisdom — the fortieth anniversary issue
A different excerpt is also in the aaduna literary magazine (this excerpt was nominated for a Pushcart Prize)
Text excerpts from THEY and my introductions presented at UUCR (Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration) can be clicked on below.
To read the text to the “Descent of Ishtar” and the introduction (where I talk about ancient Babylon), click here.
To read the text to “Forty Days And Forty Nights” as well as my introduction, click here.
This morning at the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration (in Philadelphia) I did a talk titled “Becoming a feminist.”
You can view the YouTube video below. If you prefer, you can read the piece below the video on this blog. Thanks!
Recently I was walking in Chinatown. It was an unseasonably warm night so I had my jacket open. An older conservatively dressed white woman was walking toward me. I saw her staring at me — trying to figure me out, a lesbian over six feet tall with short hair.
I saw her reading the large words on my t-shirt that read “Unite Against Hate.” She looked at me with disgust. If the look on her face had words, it would have said, “Who do you think you are, uniting against hate?!”
Her look prompted me to glare back with the thought, “Really?! — you want to take me on?!”
The moment passed and we went our respective ways. Maybe it was because of my background in martial arts that I felt so empowered, so self-confident. I didn’t stop to remember that it was decades ago when I earned my second degree purple belt.
Since the election I have been filled with such moments of good old fashioned lesbian rage. But I am also a practicing non-violent Buddhist, so I have had a few things to figure out. One of them was why fifty-three percent of white women (including college-educated suburban white women) voted against their own interests.
There are some initially easy answers — these women are most likely married to conservative white men and they are identifying with their race and with their husband’s income rather than as women — an oppressed class.
Denial is strong. But reality is stronger. More than a third of these marriages will end in divorce. And a fraction of these women will end up in the already overcrowded and underfunded battered women’s shelters. I am not wishing this fate on anyone — I am merely stating a statistical reality.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. So I have compassion for those who voted against their own interests. I just finished reading Gloria Steinem’s latest book My Life On The Road. The book is full of revelations and I do recommend it.
When I read Gloria’s statement that you have to stand up for your own rights, before you can stand up for others — it gave me pause.
Gloria Steinem’s words made me reflect that I am fortunate to be among the women and men, along with those who identify with a different gender, who do get it about feminism.
Gloria is a lifelong beacon for me. It is because of her that all women are a little freer. I grew up with Ms. magazine in the house. I went to rallies with my ahead-of-her-time feminist mother who I wrote about in my book Tea Leaves, a memoir of mothers and daughters.
My working class, heterosexual, feminist mother saw to it that her only daughter would be a feminist.
Despite the fact of my gender-neutral childhood, I lived in the larger society. To counter the message that women are second class citizens, I had to go through a period of consciousness-raising. When I look back, I can recall a few “aha” moments.
In elementary school, I got into a fist fight with a boy who backed down because he didn’t want to risk punching me in the stomach, because in his words, “I wouldn’t be able to have babies.” Of course, this made me even more furious!
When I was in junior high, I had a math teacher who only called on the boys.
In my early twenties, I went to an exhibition of women artists at the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts. During the exhibition, it suddenly occurred to me that all of the art shows that I had seen previously had exhibited artwork that had been done mostly if not exclusively by men.
Aha!
It is my hope for all women to have their own “aha moments.” Maybe, for example, the majority of women might realize that reproductive rights (including abortion) should be a Goddess-given reality — rather than a reason that women should be imprisoned.
Hating others is not the same thing as standing up for yourself.
It is my practicing Buddhist and Unitarian Universalist informed hope that ALL will be able to truly stand up for their own rights and then stand up for others.
Through email interviews I have gotten to know Len Lear, who edits and reports on “Local Life” for the Chestnut Hill Local in Philadelphia. As a result of his thoughtful questions, I not only have gotten to know Len but I have gotten to know myself on a deeper level. A young man in my Unitarian Universalist church, mentioned that we are all large gems illuminated by beams of light (the 0ther people) shining through us. Len is a beam of light for me. This is a thank you to Len for his support of my teaching and writing. Len has interviewed me three times in the past five years. The articles are excerpted below with links to the Local.
January 5, 2017
What are the mistakes most common among those who want to be published authors?
“One of the most common mistakes is in giving up before you get started — or giving up at any point, actually. Another mistake is taking rejection personally. Read the journals you submit to and make sure your work fits, but always understand that the business of writing is just that. It is not personal.”
Click here to read more in the Chestnut Hill Local
March 18, 2016
“Tea Leaves” also received a “Goldie” award from the Golden Crown Literary Society, and Janet received an extremely prestigious Pushcart Prize nomination recently “out of the blue” from a publication called aaduna (aaduna.org), which published an excerpt from Janet’s novel that she is currently revising titled “She and He.”
The novel is inspired by the Bible, goddess-oriented cultures in ancient Babylon, Janet’s practice of Buddhist mediation and her reading on transgender issues. Many of the characters are intersexed (born with both male and female sex characteristics). The excerpt published in aaduna is titled “The Mother.”
Click here to see a video of Janet reading from THEY (formerly She and He) at the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration where she is a lay minister (in Unitarian language a “worship associate”).
Click here to read an excerpt of THEY titled “Becoming Thomas.”
May 2, 2012
“I have always been a writer,” said Mason. “It is almost as natural to me as breathing. As a child, I was always making up stories, and often I wrote them down. I think writers experience the world differently than other people; we escape into imagination and then come back and explore what intrigues and haunts us. We make sense of things by writing about them. This was very true in the writing of ‘Tea Leaves.’ I wrote about my mother’s final months and my experience in caring for her.”
This is my tribute to the holidaze — proof that #WeAreAmerica — and that diversity if fun!
In this first video we had Unitarian Universalist bookends on our day of festivities in Mt. Airy which began with an alternative xmas play (with my partner Barbara Drumming) at the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration on Stenton Avenue where I attend services and am a lay minister. Afterwards we went to the Mt. Airy Art Garage’s holiday sale in the neighborhood where our friend Gloria regaled us with some really beautiful singing. And that evening we went to the Solstice celebration at the Unitarian Society of Germantown which is close to our house.
On December 24th (the first night of Hanukkah and Xmas Eve) we went to the Gershman Y event in Chinatown. Barbara who has always wanted to go was looking at a photo of the stand up comics in a mailing — and when she saw Julie Goldman she exclaimed — “Who is that guy? I know him.” It turned out that the “guy” was Julie Goldman (who we first saw on The Big Gay Sketch Show on Logo — impersonating Liza drunk) and boy is she hilarious!
We saw Paint the Revolution, Mexican Modernism, 1910-1950, at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It is a truly awe-inspiring exhibition and is showing through January 8th.
When you get blue, remember that #WeAreAmerica and get busy making art and embracing your life!
This morning at the Unitarian Universalist Church of the Restoration (in Philadelphia) I did a talk on gender (including transgender and non-binary) and read an excerpt from my novel THEY, a biblical tale of secret genders. I introduce the piece by giving a talk on gender –including transgender and non-binary — from a Unitarian Universalist perspective. The reading is an excerpt titled, “Becoming Thomas.” (This reading was part of a service on “Entering the Sacred.”)
You can view the YouTube video of the introduction and the reading of “Becoming Tnomas” below. Or below the video, you can read the introduction and “Becoming Thomas.”
Several years ago, my partner became friendly with a young couple with two young children — at the time two boys — who lived down the street from us. The oldest child kept saying to my partner, “I am a girl, I am a girl.” At the time, the child was four years and old, and somehow knew. Fortunately, she was born to open-minded parents and now she is a little girl — and I might add she is more of a little girl than my partner and I ever were!
Around this same time, I was becoming a Unitarian Universalist and taking a class here at Restoration and reading the Bible for the first time (this was not required). Soon the muse was descending on me and I was writing a novel based on biblical themes with gender-fluid characters. At the same time, I was reviewing a book on transgender issues and remember reading a passage that if trans people saw themselves reflected in the Bible, we would live in a different world.
I titled the novel THEY. They is known as a plural pronoun in the English language– which is inclusive of both genders. They is also increasingly used as a singular pronoun to signify a person who does not identify with male or female. (It also has a history as a singular pronoun.) It is a pronoun of choice for many who identify as non-binary — that is not male and not female.
Gender is a spectrum — and in my experience it ranges from extremely butch to extremely femme — and there are many options in between. As a lesbian over six feet tall — who on occasion is called sir — I have given gender some thought. I have always believed that we are more a alike than different. Gender is not necessarily fixed at birth, some people are born intersex (that is with male and female sexual characteristics), many transgendered people feel like they were born in the wrong body, and increasingly many young people are identifying as non-binary.
To me, it all makes sense, including the non-binary choice. Behavior and clothes do not have a gender. When I was young we called this way of thinking androgyny. As a very independent feminist friend said to me when her niece became her nephew — “I’ve been gender non-conforming my entire life!”
We should be beyond gender.
But the recently released U.S. Transgender Survey, found that we as a society are definitely not beyond gender — or beyond making it extremely difficult for trans people.
The statistics are disturbing — and not unfamiliar to me. Much has changed since the early 1980s when I was coming out in my early twenties. But some say that the more things change, the more they remain the same.
Enter Vice President-Elect Mike Pence. The incoming administration is extremely right wing –and is very anti-human rights on all fronts (and also holds positions that are destructive to the planet). So what can we do about it? One thing we can do is to keep an open mind and heart and stand strong and be allies to each other.
As Unitarian Universalists, we have that opportunity as expressed in the first UU principle, we believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person. We believe in the sacredness of ourselves and the sacredness of each other.
I have presented several excerpts from this same novel at Restoration. In this version, Tamar is reborn from the Hebrew Bible as the twin sister of Yeshua, the Hebrew name for Jesus. In this excerpt, “Becoming Thomas,” Tamar transitions to Thomas.
There are many non-gendered pronouns that people who identify as non-binary use to define themselves. In “Becoming Thomas,” I use the following pronouns which may be new to you:
h-i-r which is pronounced (“here”)
h-i-r-self pronounced (“here-self”)
z-e which is pronounced(“zee”)
Becoming Thomas
Since Tamar had become Thomas, ze carried a small scroll. One of the benefits of hir twin brother Yeshua deciding to make hir male was that ze could write in public. It felt liberating. Thomas unraveled hir scroll and wrote: “So this is how the one known as Tamar became known as Thomas and joined forces with hir twin to heal the sick, give sight to the blind, and raise the dead.”
First Yeshua gathered his apostles. It wasn’t difficult to transition from Tamar to Thomas, one of the twelve. The other apostles were more concerned about themselves — that they get good placements (Jerusalem was a popular destination) and with sitting closest to hir brother, Yeshua. Thomas didn’t care. Ze was quiet — even meek. But ze was okay with this. Ze had heard somewhere that “the meek will inherit the earth.”
Ze had been sitting next to Yeshua, but the others had jostled hir to the outer edges of the activity room at the Temple. Thomas rubbed hir arm.
Ze didn’t appreciate being jostled by the other apostles and questioned their motives in wanting to be close to Yeshua. Ze pushed the thoughts from hir mind. Now that ze was helping Yeshua, ze tried to follow the example of turning the other cheek.
Thomas decided to leave since ze wasn’t waiting for a placement — ze would be travelling with Yeshua. Ze could sit next to him at any time. They were both staying with their Mother. Tamar had told the Mother that she could now call hir Thomas and that ze would be helping Yeshua. The Mother just smiled.
In the Temple, Thomas grew tired of waiting for Yeshua. He would be flanked by apostles when he was leaving anyway. Peter and James and John were always vying to walk next to him. Thomas yawned.
Ze wondered what the sun dial said. It seemed like days had passed. But it was probably only a few hours. Ze slipped out the back door.
“Thomas?”
Startled, Thomas jumped.
It was Mary Magdalene. Thomas had met her once before. Ze recognized the angular planes of her dark face. Her large hands. Her smooth dark skin. The strands of her dark hair fell in narrow plaits past her shoulders.
“I recognize you. You’re Thomas, the twin,” she said.
The transformation from Tamar to Thomas felt natural. Ze had wrapped a piece of cloth tightly around hir small breasts. Ze wore a tunic and a brown linen robe that ze borrowed from Yeshua. Hir breasts didn’t show. The tightness of the fabric pressing into hir breasts reminded hir to lower hir voice. Ze wore a shawl around hir head, of loose woven linen, draped over hir shoulders just like Yeshua’s. The shawl fell over hir tunic. As Tamar, ze had usually worn a blue robe like the Mother’s. When Yeshua first saw Tamar as Thomas, he said that he had always known that ze would make a righteous brother. Thomas took it as a compliment. Ze didn’t feel like ze was impersonating a man. Ze felt more like hirself.
Yeshua had told hir to smile less, because it would make hir appear more masculine. It was true. Ze trained hirself not to smile. The Mother smiled all the time. Sometimes it was a distant smile. A tired smile. A mysterious smile. At times an inquisitive smile. Tamar had to remember to drop hir voice when ze was dressed as Thomas — even though the Mother had named hir Thomas when ze was born. Thomas was Greek for twin.
“I wasn’t allowed in the Temple, so I took off my head scarf,” Mary Magdalene explained apologetically.
Thomas kept hir voice at a low register:
“What do you mean, you weren’t allowed in?”
Mary Magdalene responded:
“When I came to the Temple to attend the meeting that Yeshua called, Peter met me outside and told me that the meeting — because it was being held in the Temple — was closed to females.”
Thomas replied:
“That is not true. I used to go … I mean the Mother comes to the Temple all the time. Yeshua invited you, so you are welcome.”
“If only all the men were like you,” replied Mary Magdalene. “I had a feeling that Peter was up to no good when he sent me away. He had evil in his eyes.”
Thomas replied:
“Yes. Peter is jealous of you and Yeshua.”
Mary Magdalene looked dejected.
“It does not matter,” Thomas said. “You and I are Yeshua’s favorites. We’re the only ones he trusts. He told me himself that there is no way to know that the apostles won’t abandon him in a crisis.”
“That’s true,” said Mary Magdalene.
Thomas replied:
“Besides, we’ll be travelling with Yeshua when he performs his miracles. There’s nothing that Peter can say that will change that.”
Mary Magdalene nodded and said, “Peter treats me like an adversary. But I am trying not to respond with anger. For one thing it would tarnish the feeling that I hold for Yeshua. I do feel that he can truly save us.”
Thomas had an idea:
“I’ll walk with you to your destination. Yeshua would want that.”
Thomas felt bad about deceiving Mary Magdalene. Ze wanted to tell her that ze was born as Yeshua’s female twin. But then ze remembered the pact with Yeshua in the desert — when he had declared that they were beyond gender.
The next day Thomas and Mary Magdalene travelled with Yeshua and the Mother to a marriage in the town of Cana in the tribal region of Galilee. It was a hot day and a half a day’s journey. The Mother had borrowed some camels so that they could make the trip. When they arrived at the dusty grounds outside the tabernacle, Yeshua poured himself a cup of water from one of the stone water jugs sitting in the shade.
“It’s a shame that the wedding party has no wine,” said a man standing nearby.
Yeshua drained his cup, wiped the arm of his robe across his lips, and spoke:
“But the water is cool and refreshing. And it is infinitely better for a body than wine — especially on a hot day like this.”
Thomas was helping Mary Magdalene with her bags and turned around and looked at the man to whom Yeshua was speaking. The man was dressed in a white linen robe woven through with strands of gold.
He narrowed his eyes, looked at Yeshua, and spoke: “I don’t recognize you. You must be a traveler. Allow me to introduce myself. I am John, the son of the governor of Cana.”
Yeshua responded:
“Then, your father is a Roman?”
“No,” replied the man. “He’s a Jew — a well-respected Pharisee.”
“I see. I’ll tell you what. I can change this water into wine,” replied Yeshua.
The man cocked his right eyebrow, looked amused, and asked:
“And you are?”
“Yeshua, the son of God.”
Thomas had a sinking feeling in hir stomach. Yeshua was acting sincere, but ze knew that he had something to prove. It occurred to hir that Yeshua might be going around saying that he was the son of God because he wasn’t sure that Joseph was his real father. Thomas had a moment of feeling sadness for hir twin. The bad feeling that ze had felt when she heard Yeshua saying that he was the son of God, didn’t go away. It got worse.
“The son of God?” asked the man.
“Yes. I will prove it to you by changing this water into wine.”
THE END
You can also read an excerpt, written as standalone short fiction, in the online literary journal BlazeVOX15
Another excerpt is in the recent issue of Sinister Wisdom — the fortieth anniversary issue
A diffenent excerpt is also in the aaduna literary magazine (this excerpt was nominated for a Pushcart Prize)
Another excerpt (starring Janice Roland Radway as Tamar) “The Descent of Ishtar” can be seen on YouTube.
To learn more about THEY, a biblical tale of secret genders, click here.
The moment passed and we went our respective ways. Maybe it was because of my background in martial arts that I felt so empowered, so self-confident. I didn’t stop to remember that it was decades ago when I earned my second degree purple belt.
